https://bondipsychotherapy.substack.com/p/bondi-therapist-surfing-lifes-waves A therapist’s reflections on being human in relationships A little about me: I am a psychotherapist with over 16 years experience specialising in Bowen Family Systems Theory (a theory of human behaviour). I work with people in different configurations: families, couples, individuals, parents-children. I see a person’s problems as being inextricably interwoven to their…
HURT MORE, SUFFER LESS “A well-thought-out principle and long-term view can guide decision making in preference to acting on feelings and anxiety in the moment” (Kerr, 2019). It hurts more in the ‘here and now’ to manage one’s own impulse to react. My older child has hit my younger child, my partner has not offered…
“Anxiety can be reduced in many ways that do not depend on the development of more of a self” (Kerr, & Bowen, 1988, p.127). There are a multitude of ways to reduce anxiety, we only have to google ‘how to keep calm’ for literally hundreds of thousands of results to pop up: get enough sleep,…
For a decade or so, back in the day when I practiced meditation intensively, I attended a good deal of silent meditation retreats each year in the Theravadan Buddhist tradition. Some were ten day long retreats, some fifteen days, some thirty days. At this time, I, along with other participants would take a vow of…
One thing I have noticed during this pandemic is the variety of responses to the same stressful event: COVID-19. We know from research on trauma that not everyone responds to the same stressful event in the same way. There are variables. We know, for example, that the majority of individuals who experience traumatic events do…
What you practice grows stronger are you practicing mindfulness and compassion or are you practicing frustration and criticism? What we practice grows stronger, we know this now with research into neuroplasticity. We sculpt and shape our synaptic connections based on repeated practice. When we activate different parts of the brain, whether it’s attention and…
Almost all daughters feel disappointed with their mothers at some point, because nobody can live up to the impossible and exhausting expectations that accompany mothering. Your daughter’s mistake will probably be to assume that she’s going to get it ‘right’ when she becomes a mother herself, rather than questioning gender roles and the job description…
Choosing to go to couples counselling when one’s relationship is not working is not something one jumps up and down with joy at the thought of. Let’s face it, bringing one’s private relationship issues to a stranger is probably the last thing one feels like doing at a time like this. And yet when a…
Anxiety, Stress and Depression through the Social Brain A large number of clients come to see me for anxiety, stress and depression, often believing there is something inherently wrong within them. We seem wired to think we are separate, perhaps because what links us is invisible to the naked eye. It’s difficult to see that…
The family: an emotional system. Most therapeutic frameworks view a person’s behaviour as emerging from an individual or from a dyad (mother-child), Bowen Family Systems Theory however, views human behaviour through a ‘family systems’ lens. The human family according to Bowen Family Systems Theory is a naturally occurring system, a product of evolution, like all…